My lovely physiotherapist, Scott has been encouraging me about how to consider my future. He offered an analogy: “think about yourself as an antique (“rude” I said), even an antique that cannot be sold at the auctions (even more rudeness!) yet the flaws, the cracks and imperfections are what will be used in the future – the patina I described it as. This reminded me of the Christian concept of brokenness and how we as people can only be used when we are broken vessels (typically) so, wise words from a young man! Another good friend/former colleague, Heather suggested the Japanese art of Kintsugi which illustrates the philosophy that nothing is ever truly broken. This technique repairs broken pottery by using beautiful seams of gold.
I reflected on this and recognised this as perhaps describing the second phase of my life as ostensibly defined by the Franciscan priest and theologian (mystic), Richard Rohr. It makes me wonder whether my physical catastrophe has led to an emotional/mental catastrophe inviting me to enter into the second phase (not expected nor wanted, of course) but it describes a role I could play as someone to use my disability in a positive way, the cracks, the flaws and the brokenness … but oh, the way I see things at the moment, I want to be restored to my former self. Of course, this is not and will not be possible. Acceptance is very, very hard.
An image of a small figurine broken whilst decorating. It has been repaired. It remains with a fractured look but can still be of use.
Some have asked, indeed so have I, what is the point or the purpose of my blogs? Many have said “Well they must be cathartic for you?” The answer is yes, I have found them helpful. I have also been told that some people have found them raw and painful which is not a bad thing if it helps people realise my predicament. But one of the main purposes of my blogs is to help others to have a better insight of a person aiming to live after a stroke. Does it achieve this?
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